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Life is not a rehearsal......
by BFV  Location: Somewhere next to that place
Age: 21    Sex : M  
previous entry : All U need is coffee and a bed........   

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God I need U nancy.....  12/21/2001  
Another nite spent alone, needing Nancy by my side.

I saw my sister after band practice last nite. She's been referred by the psychologist she saw to a psychotherapist.......another 6 month wait before she even begins to get better. I can't take it any more.

Much as she p*sses me off and much as I wish she'd grow up, she's my little sister. And seeing her drugged up with anti-depressants etc just made me cry. I tucked her in bed last night cos she felt sicka nd got her a glass of orange juice, then I went upstairs to cry.

All the time wanting to call Nancy, knowing that her words would comfort me, even if she physically couldn't. But I didn't make the call. I knew that it would wake her, and despite her saying it would be ok, I couldn't burden her with my unhappiness at 12:30 in the morning.

I'm seeing ehr for a drink tonite, haven't seen her all week. I really miss her. I know she's been in a bit of a bad mood, and this is her last week at her job. then she has two weeks to sort out a flat and get ready to move back up north. oh, and maybe spend christmas with me. (detect the somewhat selfish srcasm there?)

I hate feeling how I do at the moment. I hate knowing that I'm barely gonna see her, for god knows how long. I hate the fact that I've spent the past 3 months worryign instead of enjoying and now I can't turn back time and do the things I've wanted to do, and know it doesn't really matter.

I guess an apt lyric would be of Linkin Park's "In the end" (来源:EnglishCN.com)

"I tried so hard, an got so far.

But in the end it doesn't even matter.

I had to fall, to lose it all,

An' in the end, it doesn't even matter"

I think this a return to my old self. I think I'm gonna end this entry here and go an' do something happy.

Take care chaps/chapesses.

Phil 
 
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